Ninja Champion (1986)

Today's movie is a cut and paste, hack n slash job from the king cut and paste, Godfrey Ho. Before we go any further take a look at the awesome poster.

Never judge a movie by its poster.

The opening lets you know right away what to expect, I mean it rips off the the soundtrack from Star Wars, at least the have good taste in music. But it prepares you for the hack n slash that is to follow. 

As the movie begins, you  groove along to the awesome eighties beats that play over the credits, leading you to think you're in for an ninjastic time. But seconds later the awesome 80's music is jarringly replaced by music that supposedly fits what we see happening. The attack on two lovers out camping by a group of people wearing facepaint. The attack quickly leads to the woman being sexually assaulted off screen.

 

And that sets up our revenge plot, which is lifted from a Korean movie called Bam-eul Beosgineun Dogjangmi [AKA: Poisonous Rose Stripping The Night ] 

    

The second part featuring color coded ninjas is what was directed by Godfrey Ho. And I'm fairly positive they are ninjas because they have the word on their headbands also they portrayed by white guys.

 

Ninja... I think.

 Anyway this part of the movie plays out like a ninja circus. We have ninja's spinning plates, ninja's jumping through hoops, ninja dancing (At least that's what it looks like.) AND A NINJA DUEL TO THE DEATH IN A PLAYGROUND! Sorry I just get really excited over ninja fights in playground.  All this and more for your enjoyment. 

I suppose I should talk about the plot, it's fairly straight forward for a Godfrey Ho movie anyway. Most of the first hour is devoted to Rose getting revenge on her rapists

Rose

It's fairly convoluted too, she goes undercover as a diamond smuggler to ingratiate herself into the gang so she can get the heavyweight boxing champion. Who was one of the rapists. She kills him first by coating her nipple in poison, then as he is dying she gets the information her other rapists. But before she leaves, she water boards him to death. 

Meanwhile her Interpol boyfriend who dumped her after she was raped, and married another woman, is tasked with tracking her down and helping her in her quest.

Lam Chi Foo 

While he is busy trying to help her, his handler goes about killing the ninjas in fight scenes that are so cartoonish you can't help but laugh.

Bruce Baron

meanwhile he's getting all his information from the Ninja Champion himself, Richard Harrison, who is apparently operating his empire from a Garfield phone. Only the coolest guys rule from a Garfield phone.

I never lie about Garfield phones. 

So Bruce is killing off the evil ninjas, while the plot gets even more twisted up and crazy. It ends up involving a twin sister who came outta nowhere, the revelation the rape was orchestrated so that the Interpol agent would marry a badguy's daughter giving them an inside line on what Interpol was doing. Also it turns out Rose is dead despite being seen earlier. 

In what is quickly becoming a recurring theme, I was confused by the plot and couldn't make heads or tails of the plot after the first hour. The dubbing didn't help at all, in fact it was the source of most of the confusion as it rarely matched the emotion of what was going on in the scene. It didn't help matters either that there appears to be footage from a third movie. One where the Interpol agent suddenly develops magical powers and disappears in the middle of a fight then reappears behind them to ambush them. It was like an Asian Nightcrawler.      

But anyway the movie ends with the fight to the death on playground with the badguy being the leader of the evil ninjas. You know they are the bad guys because they are wearing red. I also know that they are ninjas because it says so on their headbands as well. 

Pierre Tremblay

I was fascinated by the Korean portion of the movie and would love to see that on its own, but Godfrey Ho sliced it up into an incoherent mess that left me more confused the longer I watched it. Also Richard Harrison only has one brief scene in the movie, so if you are getting this for him you will be disappointed greatly. And for those who love ludicrous fight scenes, you will not be disappointed. 

Final rating. 1/2* out of *****.